The Big Setup

Rarely have I been so embarrassed about admitting that I was dreadfully wrong, but this is one that I could fully admit. Promises and decisions were made in a faster manner than I am usually accustomed. When I saw the add on Craig’s List, last October, I was really in need of a new place to live. The add said that everything would be included, gas, electric, etc. I looked at the place for a few seconds and made my decision based on the following two criteria: I REALLY needed to stop sleeping on my ex’s futon, being that we had broken up a few days prior, and the place was only a few short blocks from the bus that I needed to take to work.

What I didn’t notice was that the apartment was pretty darn gross! What with its antiquated common areas, ancient cabinets, fixtures from LBJ’s Great Society, but the water pressure was decent and my room, which used to be where the landlord’s father, (Victor Garcia, Jr. and Sr., respectively) used to reside, was for all intents and purposes furnished. It had a dresser, TV, air conditioner, drapes, etc. Being that I really didn’t have a shred of furniture, this was to my liking. Besides, I figured, I would really only be sleeping, writing, lesson planning and studying here, whatev…

I had looked at the place on a Tuesday, when the father showed it to me, and on Wednesday I was meeting with Victor, Jr. and he explained to me that within a few months he would be providing the tenants, of which I would be the third, a washer and dryer unit that he would install, so we could wash our clothes. Wonderful, I thought, but I’ll believe it when i see it.

I asked about the other tenants and I was told that there is Shad, but he’s insanely quiet and works nights, and Satanna, and I don’t remember how he characterized her, but I wish that I could, for the sake of posterity. Whatever he had said, I’m fairly sure that both of these descriptions, like everything else he ever said, would turn out to be an untruth.

The thing that he had said at that first meeting that I’ll never forget, was when he spoke about his forever strange father, Victor, Sr. He said that his father is the super for the little development and that he would sometimes be making coffee in the apartment in the morning. His father, I soon realized was to be much more a fixture than just a mere coffee maker. Within a few weeks I started to realize that he was actually bathing in the apartment late at night, eventually I would surmise that he was actually living in the boiler room with his two dogs (a St. Bernard and a little puffy yet grimy looking mutt)and four cats. Why would a family rent their apartment and allow the father to live in a boiler room? Well, maybe it was due to an unyielding financial stress, one thing was sure, more would be revealed…

So the place was gross, but palatable to a man that has made a vocation out of being comfortable in uncomfort. I kept saying, “It’s close to the bus, it’s close to the bus…”

As *she* came into the picture, in December, she would of course reinforce the reality that the place just sucked.

Then sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Satanna and Victor Sr. and I had our big fight. Satanna would not speak to me for months.

All throughout this, Shad was the coolest. He was the apartment’s IT guy and “go to” person if our internet connect started acting too slow. He even tried to be a peacemaker between Satanna and I, and I felt bad for him because it must have been so uncomfortable to be between two feuding roomies.

By January or February there was still no washer and dryer, but suddenly Shad started acting all reckless and weird. He started having a constant stream of strangers that would stay up all night, watch movies, eat junk food, and drink weird concoctions of booze and energy drinks. Pretty soon the strangers turned into the familiar faces of his girlfriend, ex girlfriend, and some other guy, I started to speculate that maybe there was some grand menage a trois going on, God bless them, I thought, but it was really, really strange.

*She* was a fixture there, of course, by this time, and it was what it was…

The one thing that I realized pretty early on that always burned me up was that my room was much smaller than Shad’s and Satanna’s, but I paid the exact same rent.

Finally, one morning in late February or early March, Satanna started a conversation with me and we were suddenly friends again. Within a few minutes, we were both bitching about the noise and high weirdness emanating from Shad’s room.

Later in March, Shad revealed that he was moving to Roosevelt Island on April 1st to a Section 8 stabilized place with the girlfriend. I called Victor, Jr. and said that I would love to move into the bigger room, he said that that would be fine. Secretly I feared that he would try to get more rent from me, but I was going to put the kibosh on that noise if he tried any of that nonsense. We never had a chance to have that conversation.

On March 17th, the whole cable bill debacle occurred. The next day my new situation beckoned.

The other day when I forgot my keys really reinforced how I feel, but I’m so glad that this long nightmare will soon be over. I mean, sure, I met my wife in this period, but it has been a real uncomfort fest. I learned a lot about myself too, and that growth is real and bankable and tangible. I feel bad for the Garcia family for their dysfunction, but they are terrible landlords, money managers and not good with people. Supposedly, Satanna is leaving come June…

Yesterday, before I left for Vermont, I spied Victor Sr. moving back into Shad’s room. What a weird, weird place this Forest Hills apartment has been!!

Come either May 1st or the 15th, I’ll be back in Whitestone, NY.

What a long strange trip the last six months have been.