Unrepentant Joy

It was like a light had been litten in my heart cavity that would not, or could not, go out. I had achieved two days of no smoking for the first time since August. What were my reinforcers this time? Intangibles! The woman I had “dated” Monday night didn’t smoke, nor did the one whose dig’s I got on Tuesday.

I knew I wouldn’t be smoking, just for today, but God willing, forever. I had made it two days in a row, past 5:10 PM, when I get out of work and I usually merely collapse like a house of farts, and rip my patch off and smoke wildly all night. Saying, “Well, at least I didn’t smoke all day…” Guess what, world? Yesterday and today, I DID NOT DO THAT! And I was proud of meself!

I remembered the awesomenormity of Monday, which was still casting a spell on my mood. I would remember that night forever, that woman and all her “whatevers” and incrediblissness was hope that I was on some sort of “right on path…”

Sleep, the band, helped, as did real sleep. Hole, the band, helped, as did real holes. A Tribe Called Quest figured large in this week’s equation, as well.

Thinning The Herd at Whitestone’s The End Zone was a nice Friday night diversion to look forward to.

Looking at the little girl doing her H.W. with her mother, on the E train, while I roared into town for a Dr.’s appointment was a cool moment for me to smile, too.

Ketosis was a mood elevator, as well. It had been 39 days since I had eaten compulsively. Ketosis is the state of being where your body is using fat for fuel. I WAS LIVING IN THAT LAND, MAN! It’s my kingdom! People were noticing my awesomeness through weight loss and me likey, likey!

I had very few needs, but here they are: I need an Excel diskette for my PC. I need to continue to ignore my exceedingly disruptive student, in my 10th period, so that his disruptive behavior, reinforced every time I scold him, goes extinct. I need to start my club at school, I don’t know exactly what I’ll call it, but it’s basically a self help program for cutters.

Film history has so many great moments, and one of the bestest, has got to be in Good Will Hunting when Will says: Do you like apples?
Clark: Yeah.
Will: Well, I got her number. How do you like them apples?
Well, I had a similar moment to that, on Tuesday night. A woman who I have admired at my Mother’s place of employment, (last seen at the big surprise 60th b-day, Sat. Night) was finally de-phone numbered, by yours truly! I then registered for Spring 08′ MA classes- it’s just been the BEST WEEK EVER!

I’m on an Award tour with Obama, my man, I’m gonna’ rock this world from Forest Hills to Japan!

Back to Monday night! I don’t know how I did it, but I did it. When I ponder my top ten bestest experiences ever, I know Monday night will be on the list! Somewhere, along with, graduating from college, the first night I ever did non-conference approved substances at Baby Bar in 93′, that night on the fire escape with the ex, the first time in Cape May/WildWood, the first anniversary, going to Sundance, that night with Kim Dinunzio, getting the job at my school, etc. It was just so bizarrely amazing. Even if I never see her again, as there were “issues”, it’s okay, because experientially, it was a shiningly awesome night. Not unlike, like Sam once said, a Woolly Mammoth, or a fire hydrant. It’s all good, baby, baby.

I’m annoyed, mildly, at Untitled Band’s progress. Dave, the guitarist, is dutifully six feet deep in this huge Ultraviolence reunion show at the Knitting Factory that I have no control over, so he’s mad busy with that, and Ben’s returning to West Va. for an extended X-Mas respite. The delays are annoying, but unlike my previous band, The Manacled, this band will play shows not on my time table, but God’s time table. Holla! How awesome am I? Majorly!

Budget cuts may “f” me next September, but until then, I’m living every day like it’s 1999!